Monday, July 23, 2012

Post European depression

I've been back in the states longer that I'd like to say, and it's been rough. My heart, while some of it is happy to be home, pieces remain in London. I miss it all so much.

  A massive part of the hole in my heart is my friends. I was hanging out with them EVERYday for three weeks!!! That puts a friendship on the fast track, and you kind of surpass all the little stuff and go straight for best friend(s). I shared experiences with these girls that no matter how much I could explain it to even my BFFL, it wouldn't be the same. It's pretty uncomprehendable, to be quite honest. I am a changed person because of these girls, and having them not around is really tough. Going from hanging out with 5 (or 6) other girls from noon until midnight to now hanging out with my dog all day and occasionally going out and seeing people is crazy. Granted, here it's not as easy, mostly because my best friend (unfortunately) doesn't live on the opposite side of the wall.
  Also, I've definitely noticed I've put on a pound since being back. I'm not walking anywhere, and while in London I walked everywhere. It's excruciating to go out of the house here because of the heat, and since our AC was messed up for the past week +, it's been excruciating just doing nothing. I'm not a fan of the heat, in fact I'd say I hate this heat. I curse the day(s) I ever wished it was summer. BUT, in London, I found the weather to be ideal. It wasn't hot and it usually wasn't too cold (until the sun went down). There was always a breeze blowing, which did wonders for my hair in pictures, and I just found it all to be perfect. and I miss it.. a lot.

  Another thing I miss is the ciders (AND PIMMS) and going out all the time. There was something about the social aspect of just sitting in a pup and having a drink or two. It made me feel like I belonged; it wasn't what tourists do here, it's what the locals do. Once we'd had enough at one, we'd walk a couple blocks and be at another and have another great time until we realizes we really should get back so we won't be zombies for class the next morning.
  I even miss my class. I really enjoyed it, though I didn't care for one person in particular in the class or when my prof would come back from our break and reek of smoke, but the class was very enjoyable.
   I feel like my time was cut short in London. I look at pictures and think 'man why didn't I/we go do that?' and I'm often kicking myself for running out of time and not getting everything done that I wanted to.
  The other day I was craving a walk around Kensington Gardens. A stroll around the lake, maybe even just sitting and enjoying the ducks and swans in the lake, then mosey over to a shady spot, maybe in a naturally-carved out portion of a tree trunk and take a nap or read a book, have a meaningful conversation with someone, or even frolick through a grassy patch again... just something. Why can't America have beautiful parks like that? and the weather to make it actually enjoyable to visit?
I guess I can only look in anticipation for my return that that splendid place, and hopefully while I'm there I can find the pieces of my heart that got left behind. My apologies if this is a massive heap if sop, depressing, or scattered all about.. I believe my heart is refusing to believe the incredible experience I had is over and therefore anything that has to do with it gets jumbled around a bit. But I do think my puppy was sensing my sadness. He just came in the room and gave my foot a lick. 
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